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Talk:Smells Like Teen Spirit/@comment-3575890-20140902053728
Sorry for the delay, guys. I stepped out to pick him up some McDonald's in hopes of cheering him up. As you guys might know, my brother has been on a trip with his friends and his ex girlfriend for this last week. He got home today and he appeared to be in his usual chippy mood, but when he called me specifically to his room telling me he had some things to discuss with me, I knew something was wrong. I can read my brother like a book. He may be a skilled actor on and off stage, but I ''know ''when he's hurting. As soon as we got to his room, he spilled to me everything that happened between him and his ex. I've known for quite some time that he's still in love with her; he remains close friends with her because he cannot bear to not have her in his life, but what I didn't realize was the extent that these feelings truly run. He writes love letters that he doesn't actually send to her all of the time to help him cope and on this trip he typed up a long rant about his feelings that he then read aloud to me. It was all I could do not to burst into tears right then and there by the raw emotion and agony encaspulated in these messages and letters he writes to her (not never sends her). As I've always known, he's suffering from crippling depression over this breakup, but it seems this trip made it a million times worse because this girl...oh where do I even fucking begin with this girl. I was practically shaking from rage when he told me what happened between him and her on this trip. They got drunk and she came onto him multiple times in the night. According to him, she tried to kiss him six or seven times, she ran her hands down his body and grinded on him - at this point, I was quite uncomfortable because what sister wants to hear this, but awkwardness aside, all I could really feel was RAGE that she would toy with my brother's emotions like this. And my brother, being the good guy that he is, of course rebuked all of her advances because 1) she was drunk and 2) she has a boyfriend back home. Needless to say though, all of this toying she did with him broke his heart. Especially when he learned from a friend that she'd been calling him some pretty shitty things such as 'her bitch' at one point of the night. This was when he typed up the long rant he read to me tonight on his phone venting out all of the pain he was feeling while at the same time pouring his heart out about the unconditional love he has for this girl. At one point in the night, he put his phone down to the go to the bathroom and when he returned he caught her trying to read what he wrote! Now I always had nothing but good things to say about this girl, but after what he revealed to me tonight, I'm seething. My brother was so broken up by the end of the night, he ran off in tears and didn't return to his hotel room until hours later. The very next day, when she was stone-cold sober, she tried cuddling with him and getting as close to him as she possibly could as if egging him on to kiss her and he told me she has been sending him mixed signals ever since. OFC once they got off the plane though and her boyfriend was waiting at the airport for her, she ran straight to him completely ignoring my brother. Now this is where my fear for my brother comes into play. After he read aloud to me his deepest innermost feelings, I am SO afraid he is going to hurt himself. He told me straight up that he cannot ever be without her in his life in some capacity because if he lets her go, he will lose a part of himself. He has been in love with this girl since he was only fourteen years old. She is such an important part of his life and he genuinely believes he cannot live without her. He thinks she's his soul mate and other half and he's just so fucking broken and Idk what I can do. I am so terrified that he's about to fall into a deep depression like I once was over my first love. The suidical thoughts, the feeling of not being able to survive without that person, the constant pain and agony, the abuse and manipulation, - I DO NOT WANT HIM TO GO THROUGH WHAT I DID. I am so afraid for his emotional wellbeing right now. The most chilling thing he revealed to me tonight was that he is certain he would kill himself if he ever lost her completely. No matter how she treats him and no matter who she moves on with, he says he will always love her unconditionally and will always NEED her in his life in some form, even if it's just friendship. But this friendship is killing him inside and putting these horrible thoughts into his head. After our discussion, I gave him a hug and made sure he knew how much I loved him before leaving to get him some McNuggets from McDonald's. When I returned, he was in the bathroom and I knocked for a good three minutes before he answered. It was the most terrifying three minutes of my life. I thought he was dead. My mind shouldn't have went there instantly but it did and all of these thoughts ran through my head at once. How I could be so stupid to leave him unattended after how he broke down and revealed these dark thoughts to me, how I couldn't have done more to help him, how he's one of the most precious people in my life and I cannot fathom ever losing him. When he finally answered (supposedly he had headphones in and didn't hear), I burst into tears of relief. I'd never been so relieved in my life. I never want to feel that way again. But now that I know how emotionally unstable he is, I am so fucking afraid for him. I don't know what I can do.